I expect that different people respond to a terminal diagnosis in different ways. No doubt depression, anger and fear are natural reactions.
We haven’t experienced many of these feelings. Instead, we seem to have found a way of living, both me and Brock, that is working beautifully for us. In fact, I’m happier these days than I have been for years.
One of my hospice books says that dying people tend to become a more concentrated version of who they were before: spiritual people become more spiritual, angry people become angrier. My man and I are even-keeled, loving, pragmatic individuals with a sense of humour. And this approach to life just happens to be wonderfully suitable for living with terminal cancer.
When we go out these days, we order alcoholic drinks if we feel inclined, regardless of the time of day, plus the most interesting item on the menu, and always dessert. We make cancer jokes all the time. Our conversations include tidbits of final wishes and the funeral and palliative care preferences and how Isaac should be raised and educated.
We just returned from our friend-sponsored holiday and Brock did things he’s never done before: joined us in the huge soaker tub for a family bath, initiated a family bike ride on the beach. First-time activities after 9 years together. I’m happy to see him being more spontaneous and open to experiences. He seems to be enjoying “family time” more these days.
I hope we can keep this up for a long time. This approach and attitude to life is saving us.
(by Maggie Callanan), from the hospice library. There’s a bit in there about pain control, and about how palliative care offers many more options than a typical doctor’s T3 prescription, and I realized that Brock has more options now that he has terminal cancer. For example, he’s always had trouble falling asleep, because of that busy brain of his, and maybe he never wanted to use sleeping pills because they’re addictive, or because they’d cause him to sleep in the next morning. But fuck it, why not now? He needs all the rest he can get, to help his body fend off these monster tumours. So why not have a cache of pills and if he’s still lying restless at 1am he can pop one?