Tag Archives: Liv

July 2005

Canada Day!! – Friday, July 1, 2005 – 11:20 am

And it’s also Pride in Victoria this weekend, so there are SO MANY adventure-potentials!! Celeste was strangely giddy last night at Q’s, so we’ll have to take her a for a good long walk today.

And I still haven’t heard from Shawn, so I’m VERY concerned and contemplating calling the police. Maybe I can get the Q to do a quick drive-by so we can see if he’s home. The weirdest thing about Shawn’s disappearance is that I have no idea who to call. I don’t know his family, and I don’t know Savannah’s phone nymber, so I can’t confirm his OK-ness with anyone else. I might be the only one who knows he’s AWOL, and therefore it’s my responsiblity to track him down!

Cleaning House
My other commitments for today are to take out the garbage (which I hate doing – I’m a germaphobe) and checking on the bunnies. They probably need more water – it was hot out yesterday. And Peter’s litter box has lost its clean-hay-scent.

Health Status
I feel so much better today.

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Shawn of the Dead – Saturday, July 2, 2005 – 12:30 pm
Shawn isn’t dead!!! YAY!!! He resurrected after a few panicky phone calls on my part. And one house-visit that found NO blood-trail, body parts, et cetera. Apparently he does go AWOL sometimes. Good to know.

Canada Day Festivities
Q & Celeste & I attended the Drag Queen Baseball Game over in Vic West, and ran into some of our ‘mos: Rich, Cam, and so on. We ate hot dogs and then left. It was crazy — Shawanna Millionaire, the drag queen who (we’d heard) skipped town last summer after defrauding some loving ‘mos of their cash, was there in full wigged glory, doing backflips and cartwheels from base to base. It was too cold, though, so we went to Q’s for a nappy nap.

And then Luke came by and we drove up to see Q’s new home, and then we stopped by Michael’s house and the boys drank rum & sprites, but I didn’t because I’d decided to abstain from alcohol while tattooed. (. . .) And Celeste shat on Michael’s lawn.

Also, while at Michael’s, Shawn called to tell me he was alive and reading a new book. Yay! On the way downtown for dinner we kidnapped him and tried out the food at the Garlic Rose on Wharf, and they were serving a special 1L “boot” of beer, but no one at our table had that. It was odd to have two redheads with us, when normally we have none.

After dinner Q & Luke went to some house party at the Railyards and Shawn & I talked and watched CityTV porn until 3am. When the fireworks came on, we climbed the roof at Q’s and watched all the drunk twinkies milling about on Broad Street, and the fireworks were pretty. Some new fangled ones, I think, with hearts & circles.

Anyhoo, I had a great Canada Day night and I’m really glad Shawn isn’t dead because he’s super.

Oh, and the Laundry
I did all my laundry yesterday at Q’s, and I am SO PLEASED to have a full closet of tubetops & other non-shoulder-rubbing shirts. My tattoo doesn’t hurt at all, and it looks fine, but I’m determined to be a good tattooee and do everything like my tattooer said re: healing.

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Dancing Queen – Sunday, July 3, 2005 – 8:58 am
We went to Prism last night, and it was the first time ever I’ve seen a line-up there. Lucky for us, Q’s Rotary & Freemason (shh!) connections tend to negate any “waiting in line” nonsense.

“We,” in this case, include Luke, Spencer, Christine, the Q, and a new boy named “Steve with an E” (??) who apparently came out VERY recently. And I could tell. He was hitting on every boy in sight, and still knew how to dance with a woman. Polka steps, no less.

Also, we saw Cameron (topless, with a few other topless hotties) and Kent, which was funny. I got to introduce him to my boyz and some of the new ones I’d met that night. NEVER underestimate the value of a homo honey. Thank you very much.

The Porch
I finally got around to checking up on the bunnies outside. I’m such a neglectful bunny mom. Anyhoo, I went out and Seamus & Caramel were sitting side by side on the couch, looking like aged rabbits due to excessive seasonal shedding. Caramel escaped, but Seamus (who still, I think retains some memory of being a passive house rabbit) let me pull off some of the fluff. I watered them and swept up a bit, and I didn’t see any flies, which have worried me due to their potential bunny-harming faculties. I bought two fly traps yesterday at Home Depot, and I’m excited about them except that I’m supposed to use raw, rotting meat as bait and that’s fucking disgusting. Also, I have no raw meat in this apt. Also, the smell of raw, rotting meat might displease my bunnies. Sensitive vegans that they are.

Annie Hall
Apparently this is the film that made Woody Allen good. It was all downhill thereafter. I watched the first half yesterday and I love it, but I can see that his neurotic persona is only likeable because it’s new (to the audience at the time) and subsequent neurotic Woody Allens would lead to hatred and scorn. Also, the female-male relationships are fascinating — power imbalances, a rapport that I would see as patronising and emotionally crippling.

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Pictures & A Sun Burn – Sunday, July 3, 2005 – 11:21 pm
Have a look at the “pictures” page for a whole bunch of stuff from last weekend . . .

Also, here’s a mouse that Shawn & I saw while GSing a while back.

[2017 note: I can’t find these photos so you’ll just have to imagine them.]

This is a crow, waiting for us to leave so it can eat the mouse.

And here’s Q, multitasking.

[Imagine a photo of Q holding a phone to each ear.]

About the sun burn — I have one. On my nose.

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Odd Sleep Patterns – Monday, July 4, 2005 – 10:06 pm
I’ve been coming home, eating, and then sleeping for HOURS, and then I wake up at 8 or 9 pm. Mathematically this should be fine, but I was tired today, so we’ll see how tomorrow is.

Liv’s Hot Young Dentist
After work today I went to the dentist to escort Liv home, post-wisdom-teeth-extraction. She was anaestheticised so I held her arm on the stairs and kept her from wandering into traffic. Brave Liv.

If I have to get my wisdom teeth out, I want to keep the teeth. AND I will warn the dentist not to say “blood clots” to me when I am nauseous, because I might puke. Also, I will “eat” chocolate Boost and pudding.

A Strange Sort of Being Single
I really like this. I get to spend time with a sexy, smart straight man who does his own thing, and I get cuddles and unconditional love from the Q and my ‘mos, and I have two great girl friends to buy things and drink martinis with. Also, I spend my time doing EXACTLY what I want, whether it’s napping or dishes or running or being friendly. The only thing lacking is, of course, sexual gratification, but for now this is pretty damn fine.

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Adventures in Budgeting – Tuesday, July 5, 2005
I should know better than to attempt this “budget” thing. Every time I try it, something bizarre happens — last time, a student loan debt appeared out of nowhere and threw me for a $700 loop. Whatever. I can’t live in fear of jinxing my bank balance.

So I figured it out, and I pay $836/month in student loan debt. Yiminy! Yes, it was worth it, but gees, that’s a lot of money. That’s 200 cheap Syn martinis (not including tip or appies). Then I owe a very reasonable $550/month for rent, and this leaves me with a little less than 2 weeks’ pay for food and beverages and bunny hay. Thank god I get paid well.

Bunny Guilt
I peeked in on S&C early this morning and Seamus was sitting on his back feet, which is weird because normally they’re on all fours. So I went out to check on the wee fella, and his front nails were RIDICULOUSLY long, each one practically an inch of curling claw. I felt awful. So I clipped them asap, which of course upset him, but I waited around until he unfroze and started cleaning his paws, so (hopefully) no tramautic side effects. Caramel is probably equally savage, but I needed her to be calm for Seamus so I’m waiting until later today to pedicure her.

Ironically, I refuse to give up my bunnies (S&C) to another home because I know they won’t have it as good anywhere else. They get so much freedom and care from me that a more sheltered life (in a cage — ew!!) would be worse than the occassional broken nail. If I ever thought I’d found a home that would let them be proper house rabbits, I’d let them go, but I doubt that would happen. People are generally rabbit-stupid.

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Movies I Wanna See – Tuesday, July 5, 2005 – 8:27 pm
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Batman Begins
Fantastic Four
Madagascar
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with Johnny Depp!!!!!

Movie I Just Saw
Charlie’s Angels, for the first time with sound. I’ve only ever seen it on an airplane, without earphones. Cameron Diaz is so much fun (for an anorexic)! I want her to play me in my life movie. But she’ll have to grow a belly first. Or at least be a realistic, voluptuous weight, a la The Mask.

I love movies. They’re novels for lazy people.

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Finding Oneself Via the Net . . . Again – Wednesday, July 6, 2005
This is from Liv: she’s starch . . . I am water. I’m awesome. Q doesn’t like me very much.

Water
You are water. You’re not really organic; you’re
neither acidic nor basic, yet you’re an acid
and a base at the same time. You’re strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often feel worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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There Are Boobies On TV – Wdnesday, July 6, 2005 – 7:20 pm
I’m watching “Cleavage Culture” and it’s fascinating.

HOOTERS GIRL: I’m a feminist. I have a lot of feministic views.

Experimenting With Carbs
Perhaps the only aspect of my government-induced weight gain that displeases me is the back fat. The boobs are fun, my tummy’s nice and squishy, but the back fat is . . . wrong. So Jessie, my Food & Nutrition Guru*, is supporting me in a two week experiment wherein I eat minimal “carbs.” These “carbs” are, apparently, in everything I like to eat: bread, pasta, carrots even . . . But Jessie predicts that a lower-carb, higher-protein & veggie diet will get rid of that goshdarned back fat, without excessive changes to my exercise routine. And I like that.

* About Jessie being my Food & Nutrition Guru: yes, this is funny. It’s a private joke, but . . . to Jessie: ha!

Anyhoo, I tried to eat dinner today and failed. I hid all the “carb” stuff I like in the cupboard: spaghetti, fettuccine, crackers, rye bread (actually I threw that out because rye bread after 2 weeks would be nasty). And I replaced my counter buffet with cans of tuna, tomato soup, and some soup broth powder (the only non-carb items I already have on hand). So for dinner, I chose some cheese (yumyum) and tomato soup. And then I burned the soup.

You know, I remember a time when I made deluxe daily meals: roast beef, yorkshire puddings, steamed veggies . . . and they were great. I had no back fat. And now I burn canned soup.

Whatever. My starting weight, according to Circuit City’s display scale, is 138.2 pounds, with sexy black leather boots on. The experiment begins . . .

Being A Writer
I walked to work and ruminated on my play, which has been perplexing me. So I mentally dismantled the structure, thought “form = content,” made a listy list of options, considered numerology & gospel parallels, and ended up with a useable, meaningful skeleton on which to build my play. YAY!!!!

Ironically, my writing classes were separate from my English Lit classes, and yet it helps so much to work backwards (i.e. from the perspective of a critically-thinking audience) to figure out how to write something.

Example: If I want to have a Virgin Mary / Mary Magdalene paradox, but want to avoid binaries (which are inherently masculine) then I need to have both Marys working TOGETHER, rather than opposed, as in the cliched/traditional devil vs. angel technique. Unity, rather than conflict.

Therefore: Mother Mary and Maggie are instructional forces in Mary’s road trip, not obstacles or distractions.

I sent the reworked first few pages to Nathan, who has commissioned scripts from me & Keith, and he giggled. Via email. And I feel WONDERFUL that I’ve figured out the structure, because now I can just cut-and-paste the dialogue & text & ideas that I have, and whatever new stuff I write will be more focused and have a PURPOSE to fulfill.

And don’t we all like having a purpose?

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Does Shake & Bake Have Carbs?? – Thursday, July 7, 2005 – 6:39 pm
It was either BBQ ribs or S&B chicken legs, and I let Q choose, and he chose S&B so I am not responsible. Also, I had a “low carb” bagel + cream cheese after work. But I’ve been carb-free otherwise! Yay me!

AND Q, J & I are trying not to drink any alcohol for ten days (starting a few days ago — the last time I drank anything was Canada Day, actually). And we’ve all kept to this, except that I am currently drinking (or trying to drink) a Diet Coke, since it is the only cold, non-alcoholic beverage here at Q’s, and it tastes SO BAD that I am very tempted to add just a little tiny bit of rum. Tastes like aspartame. Plastic sugar. Ew.

Being Okay That Shawn Has Other Females in His Life
Shawn has an Ontario girlfriend visiting, and I am incredibly jealous. I am not used to having to share my boys with anyone. Spencer loves ME, and ME ALONE (or at least, we pretend). Luke loves ME. Alex loves ME. Every female in the world falls in love with Q, but I know he’s really mine and we will always be each other’s best friend. (I have his momma’s phone number memorized.) So here I am, having to share my new friend. I’ve lost all my ability to be grown up about this.

Actually, that’s not true. I’ve vowed not to let my possessiveness be noticed by Shawn. He’s new, and I don’t want to frighten him. So I’ll just silently writhe. Or writhe over lunch hour with Q and Jessie to roll their eyes at me. And hopefully my skin will toughen up, just like I’ve learned not to groan aloud when Shawn flicks to the sports channel on tv AND WATCHES IT.

Also, My New Play
Here are the first few pages . . . most of the script is already written, I just have to shift stuff around and “fill in the blanks” so that it makes some sort of non-esoteric sense.

[2017 note: maybe someday I’ll post the script to maryMARY here …]

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Carbs Shmarbs – Friday, July 8, 2005
This is foolish. For breakfast I wanted my usual Friday special: the steamed eggs with cheddar cheese and sourdough with strawberry jam. But bread is illegal, so I had to choose a carbfree breakfast sidedish to replace it, and therefore: bacon. 4 strips. HOW IS THAT HEALTHIER THAN TOAST????

This whole “being aware of food” thing could really mess a person up. Everything is grams and sugar content. Food should not = numbers!! I’m glad this is only a short term experiment.

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Lazy Weekend – Saturday, July 9, 2005 – 10:50 am
I’ve been reading a book Boss Theresa leant me, by Miriam Toews. It’s about Mennonites, and it’s very very good. I might actually be motivated to finish this one.

Last night was a terrible waste of a Hot Heather Day. Sometimes everything comes together and I’m stunningly hot. But if there are no plans, and everyone else is as lame as me, then it’s only appreciated by Peter. So sad. I watched craptv and drank tea, and wished I could think of an adventure that would involve other people appreciating my pretty-phase.

Anyhoo, Q is coming to get me any minute now, and we will carve out some sort of adventure for today. It’s actually sunny . . .

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Bad Movie – Sunday, July 10, 2005 – 12:58 am
Fantastic Four is gawdawful. Don’t waste your money. The only good part was the three beautiful men sitting beside me in the theatre.

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Wild Horses – Monday, July 11, 2005 – 4:29 pm
That’s it. I’m done.

Stupid stupid men and their stupid stupid secret codes.

For example: Q and the boyz say that men like to be ignored. This is inherently opposed to ME. I do not ignore those I like. No, strange Heather, I actually try to spend time with them and talk with them. I will send love letters and emails if I’m thinking lovey thoughts. I will give presents, because I like to.

What’s wrong with spontaneous acts of love? Isn’t that what men inevitably bitch about — the lack thereof? “She isn’t spontaneous, she won’t fuck me in the kitchen.” Well, fuck you.

And why does everything have to be so dramatic? Whatever happened to:

1. girl meets boy;
2. girl and boy like each other;
3. girl and boy tell each other this;
4. girl and boy fool around.

Aren’t I supposed to be the “game-playing” one??? Isn’t that the female stereotype? Why am I the straight-forward one, and YOU MEN are all so vague and coded? It Is Not That Complicated.

At least get your goddamn stereotypes straight. The next time I hear a movie or man rhetorically ask: “What the hell do women want?” I WILL TELL YOU. And you won’t like it.

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Awake For 16.5 Hours – Tuesday, July 12, 2005 – 9:30 pm
I woke up at 5am and was actually awake, not just dreaming of being awake, so I got up and talked to my dad & mom while I walked to work. Liv and I had sushi, and after work Shawn & I went to Swans to drink, and then walked to Fonyo Beach (??) and Shawn threw rocks at a particular spot in the water and I dug through smelly rocks for pretty things. It was sunny.

I feel somewhat more balanced today, which is good. I’m still completely perplexed by TMWWIW/AIL’s letter yesterday, which is an uncrackable combination of raving poetry and furious mania. (Aka good writing that I admire and don’t want to admire because TMWWIA/AIL broke my heart and I don’t know how to feel okay about admiring the writing of someone who broke my heart.)

SHAWN: There’s a soundtrack?

HEATHER: There’s always a soundtrack.

Anyhoo, I’ve resolved to keep breathing and eating and sleeping, and eventually everything will sort itself out.

Ohmigod, I’ve learned patience. When did that happen??????

Correction: I’ve learned the value of APPEARING to have patience, while inside I still get squishy with tummy butterflies and shaky with the DESIRE TO HIT SOMETHING REALLY REALLY HARD.

Because here is what I’d like to be real. And yes, I know this contravenes the advice and warnings I’ve had from EVERY fucking confidante, but I only tell the truth (unless I’m making shit up) so here it is:

I want TMWWIW/AIL to know what he wants. I want him to want me. Because even though he’s crazy and just a baby in the world, I am fairly sorta sane and jaded and I know what I need. Actually, I think I know what most of us need. And that is:

1. to know ourselves (hey, that’s my tattoo, freaky coincidence!);
2. to be okay with ourselves; and
3. to find someone who can love us, even when they know us really well.

Yes, I am embracing my foolish self in unreasonable, unrequited love. Fuck pride, fuck logical choices. It’s awfully hard to find a soulmate and when you do, it’s even harder to let them get away.

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Drinking a Cider & Loving It – Wednesday, July 13, 2005 – 7:01 pm
It’s sunny & tanktop-warm outside, and I wore my sexy new “kitten” heels that look kinda like flamenco shoes today. I LOVE SUMMER.

Shawn Is Getting Some, the Bastard
Yesterday on our Big Walk we talked a lot about everything (from critical theory to fucking strangers) and I’ve decided that this is a really sweet situation. I get to be good friends with a smart, sexy, entertaining straight man and I don’t have to deal with all the drama and butterflies of being in love. Shawn’s girlfriend is named Nicole, for the record, and she intends to stay here in Victoria. Oh, the drama!!!! It’s fun watching Shawn squirm: he’s a loner who enjoys his private time, and he’s sharing a small living space with a woman. Hee hee. I would be more supportive and sympathetic, but I’m sleeping alone, and he gets it whenever he wants it (the bastard). So no pity for Shawn.

Tonight
Q is at the gym so Celeste & I are waiting for him to come home and shower, and then we’re meeting the boyz for martinis & dinner.

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Word of the Day – Thursday, July 14, 2005
“cacoethes” = kak-oh-EE-theez
an urge to do something inadvisable.

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Wonderful Sleepy Afternoon – Thursday, July 14, 2005 – 7:50 pm
After work I had a nappy nap on the hammock on Q’s rooftop. Except for falling asleep while wearing my contact lenses, it was exactly what I needed.

For some reason (stress???) I radiated Inappropriate Anger Management vibes today — I wanted desperately to have a tantrum and scream & pummel strangers on Douglas Street. Pent up sexual energy, I suppose. Whatever. The hammock nap and subsequent, complementary indoor nap on Q’s couch have relaxed me. I don’t even want one of the ciders in the fridge.

And now it’s almost 8pm on Thursday, and there are all kinds of lovely mystery detective shows on soon, and I’ve slept all afternoon so I won’t have to go to bed early and miss them.

Explanation of “Cacoethes”
First off, it’s a brilliant word for me. I have urges to do inadvisable things ALL THE TIME. I like to think it’s a writer thing. Except for when it results in trouble, in which case it’s an Inappropriate Anger Management thing or Christmas Eve Complex thing or Impulse Control Disorder thing, and therefore I should up my daily meds.

Anyhoo. I thought I’d be all proactive and express my fury at Q’s troubles re: being appreciated by his current and potential employers by complaining to The Dude In Charge. So I looked up the head honcho for the Public Service Agency. I happen to know this person through work to some extent, although I’ve never met him . . . moment of pause. But whatever. I was Heather The Proactive, Malcontent Citizen so I emailed this man from my home email account (NOT work — at least I was thinking there) and said B.C. was wasting its homegrown talent by not making an effort to keep my Q in the province, thereby forcing him to apply to Alberta and et cetera.

The man (a gentleman, truly) responded with a nice email and said Q should talk to him.

Unfortunately, when I forwarded this to Q it wasn’t a good thing. Q had seen this man on the way in to work, and he wasn’t happy about the email situation. SO ultimately I put Q in a really awkward position, and embarrassed him, and . . . yep.

Q wrote to the man and apologised, explaining that I get maternal at times and that he would be discussing the appropriateness of what I’d done with me asap. (He actually was impressively diplomatic and articulate — maybe that will get him a sweet job and everything will work out!!!! Ahem.)

Anyhoo. I have a new tattoo idea as a result (if I can think of where I’d put it): caceothes, another Greek term that explains me too well.

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To Be Explained Later – Saturday, July 16, 2005 – 1:32 am
Harry Potter launch party at Chapters: I was Professor Trelawney and read tarot cards for pre-teens.

Accomplishment of the week: my fly-traps work and are filled with dead flies. YAY! Now Seamus & Caramel can frolic with minimal risk of fly-borne illness.

Also, I drove Jessie to the ferry. I love driving on the highway, sometimes.

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Sunny – Saturday, July 16, 2005 – 11:14 am
Just watched 8 Mile, Eminem’s experiment in postmodern identity. Who are we? Marshall Mathers/Slim Shady/Eminem/Bunny Rabbit/B. Rabbit/Jimmy . . .

EMINEM: I am / whoever you say I am.

He’s fricking genius, that’s what.

Anyhoo, today is the Moss Street Paint In. I always end up with some sort of physical issue after this annual event: sun burn, blisters from ill-advised flip flops . . . but it’s not TOO sunny and I will sunscreen, don a coygirl hat* & wear appropriate footwear. Just one of those occasional measurements of what I’ve learned so far in life.

*”coygirl hat” = a Freudian slip??? I meant cowgirl hat . . . and by that, I mean mainstream alternative Le Chateau weave hat thing.

Speaking of Occasional Measurements
My temporary experiment with carbs has passed. It’s too complicated to pay attention to that sort of thing. Also, I really like bread and bread products. So screw it.

However, I’ve noticed a lessening of belly & other curvy bits, and I think this has to do with the minimal quantity of cider I’ve allowed myself lately. (Yes, mom, you’re right. Again.)

Also, I find that when I pay more attention to NOT drinking cider (or anything), I’m less likely to choose an alcoholic beverage just because it’s handy and cold in the fridge. I’m more inclined to drink water. So that’s healthy. Almost makes up for my recent neglect of the whole “running around the block” thing.

I haven’t gotten around to weighing myself recently, so I can’t really quantify any changes. Maybe sometime this next week.

Belated Birthday Loving
It was Nathan’s birthday yesterday, but I accidentally slept through his celebration. Sorry about that, Nate — I’ll wear the blue knee socks for you on our next lunch date. And maybe you can touch them. Maybe.

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Laugh Tracks – Sunday, July 17, 2005 – 5:31 pm
Ever since Annie Hall I’ve been uncomfortable with laugh tracks. Now Q and Luke are watching Everyone Loves Raymond and all I can hear is the canned laughter. It’s so plastic.

Today’s Death March
Q took us to Prior Lake today. We (FINALLY!!) found the nude beach, after five years of searching, but it was more of a dock than a beach and although everyone was naked they were also old and unsexy and WAY too close to each other. I dream of a sandy, sunny beach where I can lie with my boobies exposed, but this was not meant to happen today.

So we went, instead, to the regular-person area and found a not-too-anty slope and Celeste dove into the water because she was so fricking hot. And I’m even more browny now, except, of course, for my goddamn tanfree boobs.

I heard some comedian say that tan lines are like a second-hand textbook: all the good parts have already been highlighted. Haha.

Harry Potter, Book 6
I’ve been reading my new Harry Potter, which was my payment for reading tarot cards as Prof. Trelawney at Chapters’ Harry Potter Launch Party on Friday. It’s so good. The writing isn’t exactly Giller-quality, but the story is twisty and wonderful. I have always suspected that J.K.Rowling sold her soul to the devil; it’s too addictive to just be fiction. More like crack. Wordy crack.

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Making Soup – Monday, July 18, 2005 – 5:01 pm
I’m making my famous soup. It’s yummy.

Soup used to be scary and therefore canned, but I overcame that mental barrier about two years ago.

This thought, along with the Love, Actually soundtrack, has put me in a mood to compose:

Ode to Heather’s Exes
I keep souvenirs; my apartment is full of them. (Souvenirs, not exes.)

Nate: cedar box made for me for Christmas, currently holding a never-finished quilt and being used as my coffee table.

Matte: hackysack-making materials, hidden in my craft cupboard. Also, a yellow Starburst wallet that I carried around until it literally fell apart.

Q: everything in my apt, including the futon on the bunnies’ porch, my bed, my mattress, my desk . . . also, my orange/yellow poster that I wanted for YEARS.

Rob: confidence re: making soup from scratch.

Kent: a drawer full of lingerie that I don’t fit into anymore; one of his first ever headshots.

Divyesh: two petri dishes, some chem lab stopper things, and the pretty lights in my washroom.

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The Hood – Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Here are the people who have become my nieghbours (aka people I say “Good Morning” to, and who might notice if I suddenly disappeared):
– the short maintenance guy, usually sitting at a table at the Breezeway Cafe;
– Sue & Stephen, the husband/wife owners of the Executive Shop newspaper place;
– the city worker who is always shovelling snow/blowing leaves/watering plants/sweeping/salting the walkways;
– the delivery man at CIBC who I’ve helped through the doors a few times, who is looking for a wife;
– the staff at Rheinland Bakery;
– the friendly older man cashier at the liquor store in Bay Centre;
– the group of senior-aged men who eat breakfast at Caffe Theatro sometimes and tell me I look pretty;
– the blond woman & her partner who own and manage Caffe Theatro and invented a special, non-spicy breakfast pannini to accomodate my sensitive stomache.

For Old Time’s Sake
Levi is performing this weekend!!!

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Bonding With Nathan – Tuesday, July 19, 2005 – 3:36 pm
I took Nathan to Azuma for his Birthday sushi. Yummy yummy yumyum.

The strangest thing about Nathan is not the “Susie” work shirt or the occasional hair barrettes: it’s that he doesn’t drink hot drinks. So when we go for sushi and I O.D. on jasmine tea, he lets his cup sit until it’s tepid and then orders a glass of cold water and a Pepsi with ice.

Anyhoo, Nathan is an untapped source of Straight Single Men. He has committed to “hooking me up” with someone I approve of: tall, smart, et cetera. The Fringe Festival begins in August; this is apparently “Hook-Up Season” among the resident artsy people, and so we are planning our attack.

NATHAN: You’ve already got your summer tan. This won’t be hard at all.

Harry Potter: Read It
I will not tell you what happens. But it’s a good book (of course) so read it.

Also: Johnny Depp
I still haven’t seen Charlie & the Chocolate Factory and I really really want to. The most difficult part is choosing who to invite. It must be someone who properly appreciates the screwy beauty of Tim Burton and co.

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Wow! 3 Times in One Day! – Tuesday, July 19, 2005 – 10:09 pm
I had a very very very good night tonight.

I wanted an adventure, but no one was home, and then I slept through the 6:45pm show of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, and then it was 7pm and I decided to go downtown to a cafe and write the scene I’d promised myself I’d write today for my new play.

So I walked down and sat at the bar at Serious Coffee on Broad & Yates, and I wrote LIKE A FRICKING FIEND for 2 or so hours. Pages and pages, and lots of clever ideas to fire up the parts I was unsure about.

It’s easy to forget how good this feels. It’s cathartic and satisfying and I feel awake after. Maybe this is a side-effect of doing What I’m Supposed To Be Doing in life. Or maybe it’s because I talk so much and have so much to say, and to focus all that thought on a specific project is empowering. And I can forget about the various obsessions in my life, and just think about words and how to use them.

Whatever. I’m excited about my play. I want to see it produced. And I intend to have it ready to submit to the National Playwriting contest thingy this week.

#

 

Johnny Depp + Tim Burton + Roald Dahl = July 20, 2005, 9:38 pm
Oh wow oh wow oh wow. I have never before watched a movie that I would happily watch ALL OVER AGAIN immediately after.

If anyone wants to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory I will go with you.

Wow.

And Also
My house smells like bunny pee. I’m waiting for Peter to leave his litter box so that I can clean it.

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Lounging in Swimwear – Thursday, July 21, 2005 – 8:25 pm
Today was crazy busy at work. I called every major media outlet in B.C. and tried not to say anything embarrassing to a reporter. (This requires minimal giggling, and I have a bit of a problem controlling that.)

Anyhoo, all is well and the day is done and I have a cider in my system. I’m wearing my brown bikini in the hopes that I’ll pick up enough radiation from the computer screen to erase these horrific tanlines I created while reading Harry Potter, hunched over, in the sunshine on Tuesday. My tummy looks like a zebra’s tummy.

Historic Day For Human Rights
Today Queen Adrienne gave royal assent to the same-sex marriage bill, thereby officially making homophobia illegal. Or something like that. This is a HUGE day for human rights — similar to that wild day in October, 1929, when women were declared “persons.”

For My Stalkers
I’m house- and puppy-sitting for Q this weekend. He’s off to Seattle to party like only a Q can. Celeste and I will give each other manicures and gossip about our crushes. There’s a hot rottie at the dog park who’s been extra eager to sniff her ass . . .

If anyone feels like sunning on the rooftop this weekend, give me a call. (I can’t hear the buzzer from inside.)

Also, it’s Luminara this weekend — on Saturday, I think — and I’m trying to decide:
1. if I want to brave the crowds and go;
2. who I’d want to go with.

Luminara has so much romantic potential! The park is completely dark except for the lanterns, and you can snuggle in the trees. The last time I went was with Rob and his unacknowledged-crush-but-definitely-mood-ruining friend Dylan. It wasn’t the romantic adventure I’d expected.

And One Last Thing About Romance, Et Cetera
I was browsing blogs (during a break – ahem) at work today, and stumbled onto this guy named Roger who has recently fallen into mad puppy love with a girl. He’s so open about his excitement and affection for her that MY FAITH IN (STRAIGHT-) MANKIND HAS BEEN RENEWED. Maybe all straight men AREN’T passive, reserved, and ultimately disappointing. Maybe it’s possible to find someone who will not only adore me, but TELL me that he adores me.

What a crazy thought.

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Waking Up to Doggy Kisses – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 8:27 am
The seagulls are very loud outside. I left the window open for temperature control and I dreamed of being beachside all night.

The Most Disgusting Thing Ever
My landlord, Ian, called the other day to say the house I live in has developed a “rat problem,” in that a rat was spotted in the house the other day.

First thought: Maybe it was Peter?

Second thought: It’s the fault of your hippy children, who leave the doors open all the time.

Ian asked me to lock up the bunny food and be extra attentive to the litterboxes on the porch.

Anyhoo, I went to feed the bunnies after work and there was a chewhole in their foodbag, which is kept up high so they can’t possibly reach it. The I looked around my pile o’ bunny stuff and found a whole bunch of non-bunny shit in one of the open containers. New thing learned: rat shit looks like extra long tictacs.

So I feel silly, being all defensive (in my head, not aloud to Ian, thank god). Jessie suggested that the presence of a rat might explain some unusual midnight stomping a few weeks back. I wonder how Seamus & Caramel (would) feel about a rat: they share the same rodent species, after all. I wonder if they can communicate.

SEAMUS TO CARAMEL: EEEK!! There’s a beasty out there!

CARAMEL TO RAT: Fuck off, rat.

My proactive plan is to set a trap up on the counter where I (used to) store the food. The bunnies can’t get up there, so any rodent I catch is fair game.

Ew.

My New Play
It’s done! Or at least, done enough to submit to the contest thingy. I have everything ready to be mailed today.

Deadlines are so helpful.

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Man-Friends Suck – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 6:23 pm
Shawn and I were SUPPOSED to walk Celeste today and take her for a swim in the Georgia Strait and clean up his resume for an excellent job that I found for him.

Not only did we not get to go on our walk and bond, but ALSO he didn’t call to explain his absence until 6pm, and we can’t even reschedule for tonight because he’s going to Luminara (which I told him about, by the way) for a romantic night with his girlfriend.

Dink.

Man-friends suck.

Except for the Q, who is away right now so he can’t comfort me and tell me that I’m better off without man-friend dinks in my life.

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Man-Friends Suck, Part II – Saturday, July 23, 2005 – 7:09 pm
I’ve returned from Hollywood Tonight, armed with The Terminal and Be Cool. Also, self-analysis (and some adventures on Yates Street) has revealed the following:

The part that pisses me off the most re: straight manfriends is that I get so much attention from male strangers, and yet the guys I make friends with treat me like smelly pooh.

Well, not that badly. But definitely not as well as I’d like to be treated. Q says I “clean up nice,” and I do. So where the hell is the line between “little hottie I want to fuck” and “some chick I spend time with when I’m not busy”??? Is there a happy middle-ground of common courtesy???????

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A Surprising Twist of Fate – Sunday, July 24, 2005 – 12:17 am
Be Cool was great and The Terminal was boring & stupid. Who’da thunkit?

Weird People Posting Comments
I don’t think I know anyone who knows that language that’s on the comments thingy. I have no idea what it says.

Possibility 1: This is the best site ever! You are wonderful and I will buy your novel when you one day write it.

Possibility 2: Self-indulgent, poorly spelled bullshit.

Possibility 3: Haha, you probably can’t read this comment and don’t know what I’m saying. Writhe!

Also, “Anonymous”??? It takes more time (and effort) to type “Anonymous” correctly than any name I know. (Chicken shit.)

[2017 note: my original Little Spitfire blog was built in the olden days of blogging: we didn’t have Akismet or fancy pants comments/spam plugins back then. I used a then-state-of-the-art line of code to enable comments on my site. I can’t remember if I was able to edit/delete/not-approve posted comments.]

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The Perfect Life – Sunday, July 24, 2005 – 3:38 pm
Key ingredient: sunshine.

THEN, combine with a comfortable couch, a fridge full of Chinese leftovers from The Forum, a six-pack of raspberry cider, two bottles of faux vino, and a hammock in the sun.

ALSO, some means of writing, be it computer or pen & paper.

ALSO, access to 50% familiar music (i.e. Eminem) and 50% unfamiliar but decent music, aka Quinn’s iTunes.

Some Interesting Visuals to Contemplate While You Consider This Miracle Recipe For Happiness
Some guy over in the UK (I used to think that meant “Ukraine” . . .) does chalk-drawings on the sidewalk that look 3-D. Yiminy.

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I’ve Been Dissed By the Media!!!!!! – Monday, July 25, 2005
This is so nifty. The following is an excerpt from a political column in the Times Colonist this weekend (remember last week, when I had to make media calls??):

“The Liberal government, which is usually so conscientious about sending e-mails to media outlets, didn’t issue a bulletin to alert reporters ahead of time about the press conference.
Instead, a ministry flak made calls to select reporters, leaving a number of press gallery members in the dark.”

“Ministry flak”!!!!! Ha!!!

 

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Adventures of a Ministry Flak – July 25, 2005 – 6:14 pm
I realised this morning, while typing, that I forgot to paint one of my fingernails with pretty shell-colour nailpolish last night.

Also, it is ridiculously beautiful outside so I want to go walk Celeste in the sunshine. I’m waiting patiently for Q to have a 30 minute nap, and then I’m going to make him come for a walk with us.

Updates on Love, Et Cetera
There is nothing exciting to report. I guess that’s what happens when I spend all my time with rabbits, gay men, and a Non-Romantic Life Partner (aka “the Q”).

However, I did have an epiphany today, while looking at the pictures of pretty men in the sports pages of a newspaper. It is as follows:

– the men in the sports pages are about the same age as me.
– they are very busy playing sports and doing sports interviews and otherwise furthering their sports careers.
– they are very busy becoming successful at what they love to do, and therefore probably don’t exactly give a shit about falling in love, having babies, meeting their soulmate, blah blah blah.
THEREFORE
why the hell am I thinking about love and et cetera when I should be working at being successful as a playwright/writer? Now (my 20’s) is when I should be writing and working my ass off to make a lovely life for myself as a Playwright/Writer.

I think this might be one of those “women are conditioned to nest” issues. But screw that, I’m an educated feminist with some rather neato skills. My focus has been corrupted by thoughts of nooky & flowers.

It remains to be seen if my life perspective begins to reflect this new understanding, or if I continue to lust/obsess over pretty, smart men.

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Heather For Dummies – Tuesday, July 26, 2005
First, let me update: Shawn and I are being nice to each other again, because he:
1. apologized for his dink-like actions; and
2. asked me to stop being mad at him.

However, I think (for future reference, and for those with whom I have not yet been pissy) that I will explain my pissy/forgiveness Code o’ Conduct.

I have the emotional retention of a sock. THIS MEANS THAT I can only stay mad/happy/contemplative/whatever for a limited amount of time before my brain/heart/whatever wanders on to some new thought/feeling. It generally works like this:

Interest in a particular topic = 10-15 minutes
Pissy rage = 1-3 days
Moments of Lust = 0.5-30 minutes
Love = 1 day-until I forget about you or fall in love with someone/thing else.

My Non-Romantic Life Partner Q knows this from experience, so if he makes me angry he just waits a few minutes/days, then calls and invites me for a dogwalk or dinner or something and he knows I’ll have forgotten that I’m mad at him.

That said, the only emotive instinct that is PERMANENT with me is whether someone is a “good person.” If you are cruel, sexist, or don’t stand up for someone when you should, then you suck and I won’t forget it.

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Charlie II – Tuesday, July 26, 2005 – 10:19 pm
Q and I saw Charlie & the Chocolate Factory tonight! It was my second time. It is so good. Still.

Busy Crazy Work Day
I worked straight through from 6:45 am – 4:30 pm. We were very busy — we didn’t even take lunch breaks, we just ordered in pizza and everyone who saw the pizza being delivered thought we were a bunch of slackass party animals when in truth some of us didn’t leave our cubicles all day. Over-worked, fairly-paid . . . it could be worse!

I love my job.

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Sexy New Hair – Wednesday, July 27, 2005 – 6:08 pm
Spencer did my hair today after work! It’s blonder and my roots are gone and it’s short again. YAY!!!

In Other YAY!!! News
We have a big table for tomorrow night’s Atomic Vaudeville show: Spencer, Jessie, Nathan, Q, Justin, Jessica, Christine . . . we are all very excited. And now I have pretty hair too.

Also, I’m working on a new script. It’s crazy how one idea comes right after another one is done. This new one is a love story, and it will incorporate the wee scripts I’ve shown you here in the past few months, with some extensive elaboration and character/plot development. It feels very good to have something to work on like this . . . longterm, creative, and all mine. I’ll post bits as they emerge . . .

Where 4 Art My Motivation?
I need to clean this apartment. Peter is shedding and there are dust bunnies everywhere. However, cleaning just isn’t that much fun. Especially when it’s sunny outside. Schmew.

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Confession of Unapologetic Vanity – July 28, 2005
I was walking to work someday last week and suddenly noticed that all the commuters driving by were staring at me. It was flattering, and very very uncomfortable. I walked a little more sexily.

Then it got weird. EVERYONE was staring, including women in minivans, and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Everything was tucked in properly, and the drivers were too far away to notice boogers or anything . . . so finally I turned around to make sure they weren’t staring at some monster behind me, and then I noticed that at 6:30 a.m. the sun is directly in line with the road, and so the drivers were looking to the side so as to avoid the glare of the sun.

It was kind of disappointing.

And yes, I am a gomer.

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Hungover For a Weekend o’ Sin – Friday, July 29, 2005
Not exactly hungover — I just feel a little queasy. I need to eat something. I remembered this morning that we’re going to Vancouver this weekend for FUN FUN FUN at Pride, and I was immediately relieved that I hadn’t thought of that last night because I wouldn’t have been able to sleep as well as I did. Excitement and whatnot.

So last night I fought a clown on stage. Last month, I made out with Spiderman. Atomic Vaudeville is so weird. Q was very brave and when Flora made him go onstage he did it with grace. She tied sheet music to his head and made him kneel, facing the audience, while she played a standup bass. The funniest part wasn’t her creepy lullabye, but Q’s facial expressions. I thought he was going to kill me for making him come.

Anyhoo, it was as crazy fun as ever and there are still two more shows, so if you want to go then do. Doors open at 7:30pm Friday & Saturday night, 1415 Broad Street in Victoria. Me & my troupe, meanwhile, will be enroute to a drunken sin binge in Vancouver.

Confession of Regret & Moment of Weakness
I admit, I’m terribly disappointed that my RockStar doesn’t love me anymore. Especially since I’m going to Vancouver this weekend and it would have been a perfect smoochie-rendezvous situation.

Q assures me that there will be many many beautiful men around us this weekend, and I know that’s true, but they will be gay so that’s not as comforting as it could be. Also, Spencer will be there and that will be lotsa fun, and we’re bringing Celeste because we can’t find a puppy sitter, so I’ll have her to snuggle with at the hotel.

Anyhoo.

Quote of the Night
It was something about pedophilia . . . I can’t remember. Really must write these things down . . .

June 2005

Sexy Surrey – Thursday, June 2, 2005 – 8:36 pm
Well that was fun.

LESSONS LEARNED:

  • I don’t like sitting around listening to people talk about geological phenomena, disasters, and emergency protocol.
  • I like daiquiris. Especially strawberry daiquiris.
  • Don’t Eat Tuna Sandwiches When You Didn’t Make Them Yourself.
  • it’s possible to get a decently large tattoo for less than $500.
  • postcards are usually not available at gas stations.
  • PT Cruisers have generous head room.
  • some men still open doors, pull out chairs, and are otherwise chivalrous to women (in addition to Q, whose momma taught him VERY well).
  • skirts are pretty, practical, and travel well, but they are cold in air-conditioned places (including on airplanes). Bring sweaters & knee socks.

Upon Arriving Home
My apt did NOT smell like hay. I’m surprised. But Peter is being weird. He’s sitting by the door to the balcony, with his nose practically in the crack ‘tween door and frame. Either he’s guarding me against The Outside World, or the baby bunnies are starving to death and he doesn’t want me to go feed them. (“That will only encourage them.”)

Then I called Q, to assure him that I was alive. He was napping, as usual.

Then I checked my email, but NO there was NOTHING from ANYONE EXCITING*, including TMWWIAIL, from whom I have also not yet received a single postcard. I, meanwhile, bought three postcards in Surrey. And I’ve already mailed one of them. And that was after an absence of less than two days.

*I just remembered — there was one exciting email from Evy, with new ultrasound photos of Baby Jared. Apparently her belly has started to move around independently of her, and her nipples are doing something gross that I don’t want to talk about. This whole pregnancy thing is so cool. And creepy.

Now
I am going to have a bath and put on my nammies. And then I might watch crapTV or go to bed or eat something or drink a cider or do a crossword. Who knows? It’s a magical, uncertain time of life . . .

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Other Travel Adventures – June 3, 2005
I almost forgot — the Blue Bird taxi man who drove me to the airport Wednesday morning was fascinating. He’s 62, and he’s been to 52 countries. He said that he only had a grade six education and could barely read or write, and then in subsequent conversation he used the word “anomaly” in a sentence.

I told my new PAB friend Jeremy about this, and he pointed out that literacy and vocabulary don’t necessarily require one another. Someone can speak a language without being able to write it. And that’s a very good point.

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How To Clean A Teapot – June 4, 2005 – 8:15 am
1. rinse the inside so it’s wet
2. dump some baking soda inside & around the top, then put the lid on and shake it all around
3. let it sit for a few minutes / days
4. rinse with hot water and a cloth
5. use your fingers to swish around inside the spout
6. rinse well with hot water

A clean teapot is a satisfying thing.

“Groupie” Redefined
I’m intrigued as to what Liv will write about last night.

Sooooo, we went to see some bands at Lucky and it was fucking bizarre. The first group came out with some woman in underwear & garters, and I thought she was the drummer because drumming is hot work, but NO she sat on the speaker, smoked, flipped through a porn mag, and progressively undid her top. Full on fake titties. I swear to god. Of course, I’m not very good at keeping my mouth shut. And I’d had some doubles. (Alcohol unfortunately counteracts the effects of prozac, which allows me to stifle my impulse control disorder.) However, the music was fairly loud, so even when I was screaming at the band I doubt anyone heard me beyond the first few rows.

There was more, but I think I’ll write about tea instead.

Or Not
Earlier, we went to a play at the Belfrey and it was equally fucked. A guy from New Zealand presented his creation myth involving a manicurist named Alice/Emily and a talking hand.

Also, we saw Keith (the Brooding Playwrite from our UVic days) and he is going to Europe very soon. He looks rather gaunt, which I suppose is required for a Brooding Playwrite. He’s going to send me a postcard. He promised. (Ahem.)

And Today
I just made a pot of Lipton yellow bag orange pekoe and I am going to eat Tylenol and drink water and watch the rest of Groundhog Day, on tape from earlier this week. At 9:45am I am supposed to be at the gorge for our rowing regatta, which is very exciting. I am hoping that: a.) it doesn’t rain; and b.) I feel less shaky by then.

Fuck McDonald’s
I cannot believe that McDonald’s isn’t open at 2 am. I wanted NOTHING ELSE but a BigMac & fries last night, and they were closed. I didn’t think McD’s ever closed. And also there was some guy inside doing work things, just to taunt me.

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Rowing Results & Then Bedtime – Saturday, June 4, 2005 – 7 pm
We did so well today. Most importantly, it didn’t rain. The wind & water were moving in a favourable direction, and I got to use a megaphone, and we didn’t hit ANYTHING, and my rowers all loved me because I screamed until my voice quit.

For those of you who care, we rowed 500 metres in about 1 minute, 30 seconds — twice. That’s pretty darn fast. Also, I not only have my first ever team shirt, but ALSO my first ever team medal — a silver medal in the middle level, which means that we’re fast but not too fast.

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Another Day, Another Pot of Tea – Sunday, June 5, 2005 – 7 am
I slept for 12 hours.

In other news, I caught my reflection this a.m. and I suspect I slept so well partly due to sunstroke, because my face is RED RED RED with sunshine. Who knew that clouds don’t offer 100% UV protection?? Oh, I did. Well whatever. I like sunshine. A good rosy burn is a sunshine souvenir. It’ll keep me glowy through this rainy Sunday.

Messages on My Phone
Thank you for all the invitations to Late Night Saturday Bonding Events. I was sleeping, and that’s why I didn’t answer or return your calls. But you probably knew that, if you know me well at all.

Also, Flashback to Liv
First off, “Liv” is pronounced “leave,” contrary to the propaganda spewed out by that Evil Liv Taylor.

SCENE 1
Liv & Heather are waiting for a cab outside the Belfry Theatre Friday night.

HEATHER: There’s a leaf stuck under my shoe.

Liv steps on Heather’s foot.

LIV: There’s a Liv on top of your shoe too.

(hahahahahaha.)

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In other news – June 7, 2005
I am grumpy/cranky/pissy/bitchy today. I dunno why. Stupid unsummery weather, stupid routine, stupid lack of sleep . . . If anyone has tips or wisdom for how to sparkle up these dull days, send me a love letter.

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I Managed To Get Out Of Bed – Wednesday, June 8, 2005
It was difficult.

Another Classic Ferry Moment
The closest Walk-On scenario EVER: Regan, Q and I finished Baan Thai dinner at 8:20pm, did a GrabTheDog&Regan’sSuitcase at 8:23pm, and busted it out to the ferry at TopSpeeds. Despite Q’s impeccable driving, it was looking sketchy, and this was the LAST FERRY OF THE DAY, so I changed into my SuperHero suit and ran like a crazy person to the departures area, ONLY TO FIND all the cashier lanes with bright red “CLOSED” signs.

HEATHER (Darth Vader, Sith-style): Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I saw a ferry woman in one of the lanes, and I pleaded, and she called Those In Power and gave me the ticket and Regan and I carried her ginormous suitcase down a really steep flight of stairs (I almost died) and RAN to the dock and Regan leapt over the chasm of water and landed, catlike, on the ferry.

The Classicest (?) Ferry Moment Ever with a car was when Q and I were in line behind this truck, and the ferry was basically full, and so the ferry guy stopped the truck and let us onto the ferry because Tammy the Toyota Tercel was just small enough to fit.

And About Writing and Such
I will start my Great Canadian Novel today. I’m just moody enough for the writing to be good.

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Heather’s New Health Regime – June 8, 2005 – 3:30 pm
PHYSICAL: Upon arriving home from work, check my mailbox for a letter/postcard from TMWWIAIL. If there is nothing there, channel the resulting rage/fury/moodiness into a 10 minute run around the block.

Also, do situps and pushups when bored at Q’s and when watching crapTV.

Walk whenever possible (vs. taking the bus, driving).

Also, figure out some way to do pull ups, so as to develop wicked biceps like the blonde on Blue Crush.

SPIRITUAL: Pay attention to the cheesy mantras posted on the church’s signboard. Ruminate for a few minutes.

CREATIVE: Start writing Great Canadian Novel.

And look into funding options, requirements, etc. for MFA.

SOCIAL: Keep on doing as is.

Except maybe don’t drink so much, since this concerns Mom. And cider = belly.

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BRING BACK SUMMER – June 9, 2005
Jessie & and I attended the Premier Night of Bachelors & Brides, featuring some of our favourite performers from Atomic Vaudeville’s monthly cabarets. It was very funny.

If you or anyone you know has an interest in any of the following, I recommend that you go to one of their performances:
– if you are married, about to be married, or have ever known someone who is;
– if you saw the Vagina Monologues and liked it;
– if you like funny theatre;
– if you happen to be downtown anytime on June 9th (today), 11th, 12th, 15th, 16th, 18th, or 19th (that’s Wednesday to Sunday for the next two weeks).

Doors open @ 7:30 pm, show starts @ 8 pm. Venue is the Victoria Event Centre at 1415 Broad Street, across from the New VI. AND, although it isn’t licensed, Q lives nearby so you can smuggle in some cold vodka to mix with the available beverages.

Oh And Also
I redeemed my auction-purchased gift certificate for Syn dinners, and I now have 10-minus-one $30 gift certificates. (Jessie and I used one last night.) So if anyone chooses to attend Atomic Vaudeville’s Best in Show episode with us regulars on June 29th, you might get a sweet pre-show dinner deal. They have steak + $5 lobster tails, and the best martinis in the world . . .

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Scary Man From Yesterday – June 10, 2005
I forgot to mention — when I was walking to work yesterday there was this guy with long blond hair and a brown hooded cloak at Fort & Quadra, and he actually made me nervous. This is unusual, despite the number of questionable Victoria residents, because I am extremely willing to kick the shite out of anyone I can (aka “defend myself”) due to inappropriate anger management issues. I imagine myself like the princess on Shrek doing that crazy Matrix fighting stuff despite my petite size.

Anyhoo, anger management issues aside, this guy was creepy. He was mumbling really loudly, and I couldn’t tell if he was talking at me, or just aloud, or what, and then he followed about twenty feet behind me for a block.

It was full daylight, and I had my cellphone and emergency whistles (because they are so darn useful . . . ?!) and there were pedestrians and drivers and cyclists all around, so it wasn’t exactly a dangerous situation. But still, it was interesting to me that there was someone who could make me nervous like that. People aren’t scary, it’s the unmedicated craziness and drugs that I’m no match for.

Listening to TMWWIAIL
Regan brought Q & me the latest cd from in medias res, and so I took it home last night and listened while walking to work today. It’s not the first time I’ve heard them — I’ve heard another cd, and went to see them play, and have listened to stuff on their site. Every time, though, I get frustrated because I can’t hear what Andrew’s singing. I pointed this out when they played that night, and Ryan said that’s intentional (or at least not important enough to change). And even though they are brilliant and their music is pretty and smart, I’m just not a fan because I can’t hear what they’re saying.

I feel guilty about this, but it’s their own goddamn fault. I wonder how I’d feel if a boyfriend/friend/whatever didn’t like my writing, and I think I’d be okay with that except that I’d feel s/he didn’t really understand me, because the way I write is ME. And I can still be happy & supportive of them, just like those who love me can come to my plays and readings and just be there for me, and proud of me for doing what I love.

Of course, I’m a fan of Eminem and Ani DiFranco, so maybe in medias res is grateful that I’m not a true groupie.

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YAYAYAYAYAYAY!! – June 10, 2005 – 3:29 pm
I got a postcard from TMWWIAIL today! There’s a raccoon on the front.

Sad News: according to my new health regime*, I won’t be running around the block today.

Happy News: TMWWIAIL hasn’t forgotten about me!!! Yay!!

* I think I might be confusing this word with “regimen” but I don’t care. “Regime” sounds regal.

New Website Page
I’m making a page for those of you who are interested in writing (e.g. Jessie, Liv, Regan, Ryan . . .) with contest listings, publication contact info, etc. Jessie suggested that people send me their writing (anonymously?) so I can post it, and then the rest of you can post (anonymous?) comments/edits/critiques. I think this is genius, assuming any of you are BRAVE enough . . .

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Theatre With A Football Player – June 11, 2005 – 8 am
Despite some last minute panic at finding someone to accompany me to the two plays I had tickets to last night, I had a REALLY GOOD NIGHT.

I’d assumed that Liv would get off work at her usual time and then I could whisk her away to a night of theatre. But she had a late shift (even assuming she would have been that open to such last-minute plans — I really need to stop assuming things), and since Jessie has a standing Friday night date with Channell and Q was going to see John Raulston Saul (ew) with Rowan, I needed to branch out and invite someone New.

So I saw two plays last night with Shawn, my new friend from London, Ontario, and he is so smart and smiley that I had a great time. The first play was a stand-up performance about celebrity by a woman around our age, and then we went to the George & Dragon and drank cider/beer and Britt Small (the director and Momma of Atomic Vaudeville) and an actor I knew only as “Jesus” came in and they joined us. Jesus’s real name is Andrew. He let it slip that he’s merging his Jesus @ Christmas and Jesus @ Easter stand-up bits together for the Best in Showepisode later this month . . . YAY!

During this break, Andrew and Shawn tried to convince me that Adaptation had thematic unity & purpose (I watched Adaptation with Liv last year — remember Livy??? That was so fucked). What’s the word? Victor Shklovsky’s thingy about form=content? I can’t remember anything from school. Anyhoo. – Russian Formalism?????

And then we saw the second show, an “R”-rated version of Genesis, and that was pretty funny since Shawn studied themes of masculinity via his degree, and I’m an uber-feminist, and it felt like the play was neatly split into Man / Womancomponents.

And then we returned to the George & Dragon, and I LOVE talking to Shawn because he’s this bizarre combo of Sports-Lovin’/Playin’ Straight Man + English Grad Student, anti-“lol”/”lite”/”4lease” Smarty Pants. Unfortunately, my body betrayed me and I had to go home around 12am because I am so used to my early bedtimes.

IN SUMMATION: fun fun fun, brain-stimulating, being-around-a-straight-man-stimulating, interesting & thought-provoking night.

Plans For Today
It’s “Garagellenium” today, or something that means there are a lot of garage sales, so the Q and I are going GSing as soon as he’s awake and ready to barter.

And TONIGHT is Charlie Ross’s One Man Star Wars and Kent is going to be my date, along with Jessie & Justin. I am very very excited. I am also trying to track down last minute tickets to a sold-out performance so that Liv & Mike can come with us. I’m astonished at how many men I know who are Star Wars’ fans.

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Star Wars With 2 Couples & a 6’7″ Date – June 12, 2005 – 11 am
We went to Charlie Ross’s One Man Star Wars last night, and it was exactly as great as I’d expected. My guests for the evening included: Liv & Mike, Jessie & Justin, and Kent. The boyz are all Star Wars fiends, and I think Liv knew what was going on because she laughed so much, and Jessie had been treated to a rundown of the trilogy by Justin over dinner. It was groovy.

And then my lovely couple friends ran home, which was okay because they’re couples and lame that way sometimes, and Kent and I went to the Med Grill and drank sangria and ate good food. It’s so funny talking to him because he’s going through a lot of the “changes” that I’ve heard about from my other ‘mos, and so I get to hear about where he sees himself in the Larger Gay Picture. Kent’s a sweetie so he’s not into (yet?) the whole promiscuity thing, or “hook-ups,” and he still gets emotionally attached to the people he’s with. We talked about hetero vs. homo relationship rules, which are vastly different as far as I can tell. And he helped me feel not-too-shitty about the whole “I dated girls, then Heather, then men” phenomenon.

Also, Kent “came out” to his parents awhile back, and they were good parents about it. He also told his friends, and they were good friends. So I’m happy that his experience so far seems to have been positive.

& A Retraction From Yesterday
Q came over but he collapsed into my bed (hard to do with a loft bed) and slept all day from a sudden flu he’s caught.

And then Matte called with an invite for tea, so I kidnapped him and we walked Celeste on Dallas road and drank tea/coffee from this neat “drive thru ethnic food court” which is AMAZING and I must go back someday for lunch or dinner.

Matte’s dating a body-piercer these days, and she convinced him to pierce his eyebrow. I’ve seen lots of eyebrow piercings that are stupid, but Matte’s just looks sexy.

In Summation
A strange weekend of ex-boyfriends and friendly conversations about love & trying to figure everything out. I am infinitely pleased that I get to be friends with these beautiful (tall) men who know me so well – or at least did at one point. I like it that I can tell them about TMWWIAIL and they are happy for me, and we can discuss the importance of Not Settling and sometimes one of us will say something that we first heard from the other. Kent advised me over dinner that “the most important person in your life to love & take care of is you, because that’s the only person you’re sure to still have in your life at the end.” Ah, typical Selfish-Heather aphorisms. I’ve made a difference in the world.

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Drive-By Pickup – June 12, 2005 – 9:06 pm
A man named Chris parked on Fort Street to hit on me today.

Best line ever: “Aren’t you a playwrite?”

Speaking of Rabbits
Peter has managed to tunnel into a big plastic bag with hay. I usually just open the bag and give him some fresh stuff, but it’s more interesting this way. He feels more . . . predatory? Can bunnies be predatory?

Has anyone other than Divyesh ever witnessed Peter’s Attack Rabbit persona?

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Everything is Changing – June 13, 2005 – 7:26 pm
Spencer cut my hair today, and it is short & summery & I love it, but no picture yet.

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On Running – June 14, 2005
From gym teachers to psychiatrists, I’ve been told 1,000,000 times that I should run/jog because:
– it is healthy
– it will distract my body from my overactive, seratoninly-challenged brain
– everyone else is doing it.

But no one ever said: “Heather, you should take up running because you have anger management issues and running will channel your blind rage into something physically painful and ultimately cathartic.”

And, ironically, this is why I now like to run.

Also, I like to wear sweatpants.

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CSI Phrases o’ the Day – Tuesday, June 14, 2005 – 5:30 pm
“Suspicious circs”
“Stutter cuts”

My Tattoo

It’s Greek. Yep. Before I get it all permanent and such I have to get it spell-checked. I vote for no punctuation / capital “gamma” — it’s a never-ending concept of self-knowledge. Reflects Heather = self-involved, et cetera. AND it’s pretty and pretentious! IDEAL.

Potential locations = lower back or left forearm. Bottom of neck in back? I dunno.

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Sometimes Patience is a Good Thing – Thursday, June 16, 2005 – 4:14 pm
Despite feeling all brave yesterday, I decided to wait to spellcheck my tattoo before getting it scratched into my skin. And whaddyaknow, I conjugated incorrectly. Damn Greek.

So I’ve emailed an old prof of mine and hopefully she will give me a certifiably correct spellchecked version.

Also, Liv advised me on the Care & Maintenance of Tattoos over martinis & steaks yesterday evening, so I feel fairly prepared for the event.

But Why?
I overheard two of my coworkers discussing the reasons behind the chronic tattoing / body-piercing of my generation. I wanted to leap up and say something that would explain everything, but I couldn’t think of any good reason. Tattoos, for me, are like a very permanent charm bracelet. Souvenirs, self-expression, et cetera. But that’s not why I got my nose and belly pierced. My motivation at those times was to attempt to reclaim some of my control over myself (body & life) since I’d just ended relationships. Plus a little bit of masochism.

Spencer says that hair cuts/perms/colours are traumatic, and that’s why some people inexplicably cry when they get their hair cut. That’s why they always want the same style. But I LIKE the trauma of change – it’s an adrenalin rush. So I get my hair drastically cut/coloured whenever I’m bored or feel restless. And ditto for the piercings.

So maybe my generation is just:
– bored
– masochistic
– looking for adventure in a well-padded, regulated urban environment.

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Busy Days: A ReCap – Sunday, June 19, 2005 – 11 am
Assuming I can remember what I did, here’s a summary of the past days’ adventures:

FRIDAY: Busy busy busy day at work. Cabinet was appointed Thursday afternoon, which meant that we might get an entirely new “boss” (aka Minister), and ALSO since I work for PAB there is all kind of potential change with gov’t communications. So a lot of uncertainty and excitement. But all is well.

Also, my uber-pregnant sister and her man were in town, staying at French Beach, and so they visited with me & the Q. We went to the Keg and ate lobster & steak, and those of us who weren’t carrying a foetus in our uterus drank good drinks.

I’m still surprised at the inconsistent messages around Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. Evy said her prenatal nurse person said it’s okay to drink sometimes; meanwhile, I perpetuate via work the message that no one knows when or how much alcohol is safe, so DON’T DRINK WHILE PREGNANT. Jared has put his daddy-foot down on this, though, so Evy will be liquor-free for another four months.

SATURDAY: In theory, Shawn & I went garage “sailing” / GSing for four or five hours, but we were afoot and had no target GSes in mind, so we just had a really great walk ‘n’ talk and stumbled onto three or four yard sales. It’s very surreal to spend time with a straight man. I had all these preconceptions: sports, beer, sex. And while Shawn does talk about these things, he puts this bizarre intellectual touch to it. And also, he uses really big words. Which makes me remember all the big words I once knew, and then I can try to use them in sentences, and that’s fun. He says we’re arch-nemises (in a nice way) because he’s a deconstructionist and I’m a . . . well, I’m not. I like to put things together, like jigsaw puzzles. And I love feminist theory and Canlit and he’s a masculinist and not a patriotic reader.

Anyhoo, that was a great morning/early afternoon, and Shawn got a lamp out of the deal and I bought Beautiful Losers by Leonard Cohen on Shawn’s recommendation. And it’s a book that I will actually read, not just smirk at and shelve.

(intermission: nap.)

And THEN Evy & Jared returned to town, so we grabbed Q and went downtown to see all the stores they wanted to see, and they found yellow gumboots for their son-in-utero. Then they left.

(intermission: nap.)

Q’s barbeque was A1. I lolled about on the hammock and drank faux vino, and Celeste even had a guest doggy to battle with. Our ‘mo friends are starting to develop friendships among themselves, so everyone was comfortable with each other, and they ate a SuperSpecialMarinatedPorkProduct that Michael brought. And then it was midnight and Celeste and I fell asleep, and the boyz went out.

(finale: sleep, and another day dawns.)

SUNDAY: So now I’m drinking tea and updating this. We have our regular brunch date at 1pm, and Spencer the Gay Mormon Hair Stylist is joining our party for the first time. I love Spencer. And that’s not just because I love my haircut.

Current Self-Induced Drama
The frustration with TMWWIAIL (aka my RockStar) is that he left at The Beginning, which is not a good time to leave. The stomach butterflies are just started to de-cocoon. And so I’ve spent not even a month with these goddamn half-formed butterflies squirming around in my gut, and they’re making me crazy.

And what if, true to established form, TMWWIAIL has some further long-distance commitment post-tour of which I am unaware, and so he’ll return to B.C. only to sleep for three days and then leaving for ANOTHER sans-Heather adventure???? This is very very unsatisfying.

The problem, of course, is that I am in love with TMWWIAIL, and therefore it’s not that easy to say Fuck It and kill the bastard butterflies and find another rockstar to stalk. It’s rare for me to find someone who causes butterflies, and I’m not inclined to squash the ones I have.

And, of course, this is all a self-induced drama. Maybe TMWWIAIL will return from his tour, sleep for three days, and then (true to ManForm) want to seek out a snuggle. Maybe he has his own taunting stomache insects. Maybe he’ll visit me for just long enough for us to move beyond The Beginning, and then I can return to a sane, liveable state. Maybe, true to stereotypical rock star lifestyle, he’ll have fucked a groupie in every province, and then I can direct that fury and cut the heartstrings and reclaim my self-sufficient, independent sans-man status.

Meanwhile, I will squirm.

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Desperate For An Adventure – Sunday, June 19, 2005 – 9:51 pm
Is it bad to eat pickles before bed? We’re about to find out!

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Sunny Monday – June 20, 2005 – 9:34 pm
Can’t write too much — watching Medium and it’s a goodie — but wanted to mention that I saw Rob (February – August? 2003) at Serious Coffee yesterday. I love seeing pretty men and thinking: “Done that.” We didn’t converse, but I hope he’s happy and loving the summer.

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My Perfect Man – June 21, 2005
Jessie & Q have figured out my Ideal Mate, based on history & et cetera:
– gay;
– emotionally unavailable;
– mentally ill;
– lives somewhere really far away — ideally the US or another continent;
– never ever answers my letters, emails, phone calls, or acknowledges my existence.

Couple of smart asses.

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WE ARE GROWING UP!!!! – June 22, 2005
EEK! Q made an offer on a townhouse/condo yesterday, and it was accepted last night. There are still iffy-things, like the inspection and whatnot, but Q actually sorta owns a home!!!!! Craziness.

Write-up:
This property is located at Fort & Richmond, in the neighbourhood of Fernwood in the district of Victoria. This Townhouse home offers 1 bedrooms and 1 baths and has a finished living area of approximately 674 sq. ft. It was built in 1999 and is situated on a lot of about 6148 sq. ft.

THERE HAS BEEN MUCH ATTENTION GIVEN TO THE DETAILS OF THIS 1 BDRM CHARACTER CONVERSION INCLUDING SOARING 9 FT CEILINGS, OPEN LIVING ROOM/ KITCHEN FLOOR PLAN, STAINED GLASS, GAS FIREPLACE, PATIO AND ALSO YOUR OWN SEPARATE ENTRY WAY. THIS WAS BUILT IN 1999 AND IS SITUATED IN A COMPLEX OF ONLY 4 OTHER UNITS. PARKING AND EXTRA STORAGE AS WELL. SUPERIOR LOCATION, CLOSE TO ALL AMENITIES AND BUS ROUTES.

When Harry Met Sally
I watched my new DVD yesterday, and it is a great movie. I remember seeing WHMS on a little tv in my pink bedroom at home in the white house in Invermere, back at age 13-17. And while the ’80’s-style clothes & hair are a cultural roadblock to character empathy, it’s still fun to partake.

There was a lovely, funny, “heartwarming” line about choosing a mate = choosing a melon (you just KNOW), and so I called Shawn to tell him how funny it was, but he was sleeping and I think I just confused the poor guy with my Drive-By-Phone-Call.

Drive-By Phone Calls
I learned these from Q. None of this “small-talk” nonsense allowed.

Sample conversation:
PHONE: ring ring ring
HEATHER: Hi.
QUINN: Ohmigod.
HEATHER: Whassup?
QUINN: CSI. Channel 30. Ants.
HEATHER: Ohmigod.
QUINN: Commercial’s over!
HEATHER: Bye!
PHONE: click

Surprisingly satisfying. Straightforward, to the point, sansbullshit niceties. Try it. Refreshing.

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Tattoo Options – June 22, 2005 – 4:33 pm
Option #1, with CAPITAL LETTERS (aka proper Greek):

Option #2, with small letters (I like the curviness):

In Other News
I am the saddest person in the world.

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All’s Well – June 23, 2005
Sorry about the mood swing. Goddamn fucking anti-summer is the problem. I get all excited about the sunshine and then BOOM it’s raining and the sky is cloudy and it’s the middle of December all over again. It’s making me nutso.

Also I am sad in love. But that’s too stupid to write about.

Tattoo Conclusions
I think a little bit of socially-acceptable self mutilation is the answer to all of this. Thank you for your votes — I concur, the small letters are far superior aesthetically. So it will be done. I’ll post pictures of my scarred skin when available.

Applications are currently being accepted for the Lucky Bastard who gets to smear polysporin on my shoulder daily.

And Also, Jessie Is A Superstar
Thank you for making me feel better, and not letting me feel stupid about:
1. being sad; and
2. drinking to cure it.

Thank you to my personal cheering section (Liv & the Q) too — I luvs ya. You’re good people.

The Family
My Momma & Dadders are coming to Victoria!!!!! YAYAY!! I have a sweet surprise adventure for them — Mom knows but Dad will (in Jared’s words) “pee his pants” with excitement. Also, Evy & Jared & their foetus are somewhere on the Island, and they might magically appear for a good meal sometime soon. All I need is Joey, and I’ll have my whole family crammed into my wee apartment! (Including you, Q.)

“Wee”
This is Shawn’s word. (Along with “dealy” which I strongly disapprove of.) It’s kinda pretty, don’t you think?

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Letters Shouldn’t Be Sad Things – June 23, 2005 – 5:26 pm
My RockStar doesn’t love me anymore.

This is a very terrible development.

However, I’m mid-rage-stage so I can still clean my home like I planned this afternoon.

Also, I feel strangely innoculated because my heart broke yesterday so it’s just another poke at a cut. It’s anti-climactic.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill someone. Anger is what fuels survival.

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Family Is Coming!!!! – June 24, 2005
Mom & Dad arrive today!!!! I’m going to pick them up at the airport. Very exciting. I’m wearing my “I *heart* Mom” shirt.

One of my tattoo ideas was to get a heart on my shoulder with “Dad” in script. I’ve never seen that before. But then I thought that might get a little awkward when I have someone to cuddle with . . . so it was a brief idea.

And About This Whole Love Thing
I am so tired of falling in love. Not that it happens very often, but I keep choosing the wrong ones to fall in love with, and then I get shat on. (ew.) Jessie suggested that it’s my Aries nature to love the hunt and get bored once I catch him, and while I DO love thinking of neato ways to be nice to a man I REALLY REALLY hate being the hunter. The wooer. The aggressive one. I’m just tired of it all. Especially since it’s the passive, self-involved, hesitant ones that actually need to be pursued, and therefore I end up with passive, self-involved, hesitant men. Again, ew.

Anyhoo, I have a ridiculously busy week or two ahead of me, with lots of parties and dancing and beautiful men (some of whom are even straight) and adventures to foreign lands (aka Seattle) and my family and my bunnies. Q’s 26th birthday is on Saturday, and that’s always fun to make him feel extra special.

Another Painful Thing
My teeth hurt like a crazy bitch. They got super-sensitive awhile ago, and so I bought Sensodine toothpaste and a soft-bristle toothbrush, and then yesterday it felt like my teeth were all pushing together and IT HURT A LOT. So I was motivated to make an appointment with my wisdom teeth specialist and I’m not even sad about getting the fuckers yanked out, because my teeth really hurt. The lady on the phone also said to gargle/swish with hot, salty water, and this works for a day or so.

Um
I think that’s everything.

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I’m Still Alive – June 26, 2005 – 11:05 am
And I had fun. I will be more specific at another time.

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Oh Gees, So Much Happens in 4 Days – Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I don’t even know where to start.

Family Highlights
– Visiting with my momma & dadders;
– Daddy’s breakdown, motivated by Sadie the Tarot Card Reader and assuaged by Q’s Tuesday crisis;
– smoked salmon, bought today in Sidney and recently eaten by me & the Q with crackers and cheddar;
– food food food;
– driving with dad in the passenger seat, so I could see his foot slam down everytime he wanted me to brake.

All in all, a lot of fun and bonding and belly-growing meals.

Peter & the Bunnies
Peter’s nails are too long but he’s happy, and even let me & the folks stay at his home last night.

The bunnies are shedding but otherwise chipper.

My Wisdom Teeth
No pain at this time, despite recent sensitivities. I missed my x-ray and consultation appointment because we drove up island on Monday, but my teeth don’t hurt at this time so I’m okay with that.

Politics & My Boyz
The gay marriage bill has almost entirely passed!!!!!!!!!! The House voted in favour (despite some bigoted fuckers) and now the Senate & Queen Adrienne have to nod, but my ‘mo’s are practically wedding-bound. This is a Huge Deal.

Future Adventures
Tomorrow is Atomic Vaudeville’s Best in Show and dinner & drinks with my favourite people & ALSO (although this is a secret) I have an appointment to get my tattoo. YAY!!!

Also, I won two tickets to a preview screening of some new movie — the director did Fubar, I believe — so I get to choose some special person to accompany me to Thursday’s show. I’m thinking Shawn, if he’s available, because I also want to show him the groovy “4/6-pack” beer tester special at Swans: you get to choose 4-6 different house brews and drink a wee bit o’ each to try them out. Very cool, especially for those odd people who like beer.

Currently
I’m watching CPAC’s coverage of the gay marriage vote and loving my ‘mo’s and trying to remember all the stuff I did this weekend. There was a ship, and cannons, and . . . I’ll mention anything that floats up in my memory as it emerges. For now, I’m happy that we don’t live in a (minority-driven) bigoted society, and that (wow, whodathunkit) Canadians are equal. Despite their bed partner. So there.

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Awake @ 2:07 am – Wednesday, June 29, 2005 – 2:08 am
Why am I awake???!

Things I Am Excited About Today
Atomic Vaudeville with some of my most favourite people sitting with me; my tattoo; the neato fact that Friday is Canada Day and therefore a holiday and so I only work 2 days this week; hopefully getting Shawn & Liv to meet, because they are both Englishy and would get along well and it’s good for Liv to know that not all men (except, of course, Boyfriend-Mike and her family members) suck; and probably more things too.

Peter
Not a sound; I can’t even see him. Usually he watches over me via the back of the couch, but I think he’s hibernating under it tonight.

Ways In Which I Channeled My Fury Re: TMWWIWIL Yesterday
Stuck gum and a big pointy rock over his initial in the heart on my sidewalk; sprinted around the block until I thought I was going to die; listened to Alicia Key’s “A Woman’s Worth,” which always makes me feel better when my heart is broken; drank some faux vino (until I realized that running was a healthier way to channel rage); thought “Fuck You, Fucker” a few times.

And yes, I’m a big believer in graciousness and going cold turkey, but also the “grieving process” (aka being pissing mad) is healthy to a point, especially if it motivates running & less alcohol consumption. And writing. Although I do think those two bits o’ writing will have to be replaced sometime this week. It’s an undeserved compliment to a Fucker to write about him.

(Related disclaimer: TMWWIWIL is not really a Fucker, he’s just young and a bit messed up and made the massive mistake of letting me think I should love him. This “Fucker” thing is only a phase. A HEALTHY, natural phase.)

(Warning to Others: it’s hard for Jaded Me to open up to love. Don’t mess with me, or I will write crappy prose poems about killing you when you inevitably break my heart.)

Oh, And Also
I really love my short hair. Thank you, Spencer. I haven’t brushed it in weeks, and it’s the best thing ever.

AND I completely forgot to mention Seattle. Jessie & I went over Saturday for the night, and it’s an alright city, for an American city. Sort of Vancouver-like. I appreciate how they name their yellow taxis “Yellow Cabs” and their orange taxis “Orange Cabs.” Wandering around the downtown shopping thing was okay and Vancouverish, but I felt oddly at home in the gay district. I think it’d be a cool place to raise kids. (I’m such a fag hag.) Maybe I just like the primary colours???

Anyhoo, we were the Token Straight Women Guests at a ‘mo pool party and there we were, surrounded by topless sexy men, being plied with cheap booze from the local grocery store, legs in the hot tub and shortshort skirts with no straight boys in sight. I loved it. My new ‘mos are: Alberto, Travis, Dave?, Dave?, John (the host), and another guy who made out with an inflatable seal for our amusement. This weekend (Canada Day weekend) is Victoria Pride; Vancouver Pride is the last weekend in July. Fun fun fun!

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Tattoo + Alcohol = Death – Thursday, June 30, 2005
I swear that I drank no more than I usually do last night. Sure, Atomic Vaudeville nights are nights of drunken revellry and late hours, but I’ve done it for months and I’m fine.

UNTIL today! And so I think it’s the tattoo, and the trauma & adrenalin of being tattooed. Because I feel like death. Queasy, vomiting, exhausted death. I puked TWICE this morning — once at home and once at work. It’s so awful that I was tempted to go home sick, but that would mean (due to alcohol being involved) that I’m an alcoholic so I held on.

Meanwhile
I have learned from this experience.

I have learned to never ever eat beef jerky (even a small piece) on an empty, hungover stomache. It’s just not a good idea.

Also, I love my tattoo. It doesn’t hurt, and it looks so pretty.

Atomic Vaudeville Recap 
Well, it was great, of course. Except that Shawn went AWOL and since he’s not the AWOL sort (I don’t think) I suspect he’s in the hospital or lying in a ditch somewhere. Hopefully not. I haven’t seen him for more than a week, and I’m worried about his disappearance.

Also, Mike & Rod Peter Jr. resurrected their The One Man The Matrix, and then for an encore they did The One Man Spiderman, and I got to be a Guest Star as Spidey’s girlfriend, which was really just a way for Rod to smooch me upside down. First time I’ve ever kissed someone I wasn’t in love/lust with, and on a stage in front of people & a camera, no less.