It’s only in recent years that I’ve realized: I’m a rare bird, when it comes to knowing my PURPOSE in life. I’ve always known I was a writer.

As evidence, I submit to you two of my primary school projects:

I’ve always assumed that everyone had this same strong sense of direction. Maybe a person’s “calling” is hard to define, because they don’t know how to direct their talents and passions into a specific “job,” or because their lives are crowded with other distractions and pressures (“The arts won’t pay the mortgage — go be a dental hygienist instead”), but surely, I thought, in their heart of hearts there is a spark of passion that, if cultivated, would bring them happiness and fulfillment.

But now I’m 39 and meeting all kinds of case studies to the contrary. I have friends who choose their work based on prestige and salary, friends who “lucked” into their “good” jobs and just keep doing those jobs, and many friends who simply need to pay their mortgage and feed their kids, regardless of how happy the parents are at work.

In other words: I know plenty of middle-aged adults who never DECIDED what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Maybe that’s fine. Maybe these people are content with their work, and use their free time to do fun things that make them happy.

But I see so many people being grumpy about their work, counting down until quitting time or their retirement years, and then using their free time to drink, binge-watch Netflix and “recover” from their work week before Monday rolls around again. This pains me.

HEATHER: “How’s your day?”

PERSON AT THEIR WORK: “It’s my Monday, so … you know.”

We only have one life. Why are so many of us wasting our time? Don’t we want a happier life, if that’s possible?

“You can be anything you want to be.”

I blame some of my generation’s aimlessness on the 1990s/Millennial parenting adage: “You can be anything you want to be.”

Specifically, I blame it on the missing disclaimers in that sentence, which should read: “You can be anything you want to be, if you work really hard at it, and adapt your goals when necessary, and accept that achieving one goal might mean not achieving other goals.”

I think most of us aren’t willing to put in the time and work and struggle needed to achieve a lofty “anything” goal.

Or, we’re so overwhelmed by the infinite options available to us that we grasp for direction, and end up holding onto a goal we didn’t choose, because it’s handy and relatively easy to achieve.

Instead of having overwhelming, infinite choice, I wonder if it would be better to be directed toward a single path.

I found this wonderful bit about Victorian-era parenting in Agatha Christie’s autobiography:

The Victorians looked dispassionately at their offspring and made up their minds about their capacities. A. was obviously going to be ‘the pretty one.’ B. was ‘the clever one.’ C. was going to be plain and was definitely not intellectual. Good works would be C.’s best chance. And so on. Sometimes, of course, they were wrong, but on the whole it worked. There is an enormous relief in not being expected to produce something that you haven’t got.

– Agatha Christie

While I’m not advocating for a return to Victorian parenting, my parents always knew I was a writer, and encouraged me to feed that spark. I went to university to study English literature and creative writing. Dad answered all my panicky phone calls with: “Do what makes you happy. It’ll all work out in the end.” (And it has.)

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I would hope, with adults constantly asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, some of us would eventually consider the question.

If you’ve never really thought about it, or if it’s been a few years, why not spend a few minutes now ruminating on these questions:

• If you only had one year left to live, what would you do with that time?
• If you never had to work again, how would you spend your days?
• Of all the things you do, which five things make you happiest? Which make you feel most fulfilled?
• If you had the time and energy to volunteer for one cause, what would it be and why?
• When do you feel jealous of others? What is it about their lives that makes you envious?

And, with a nod to the Victorian-era parents:

• What did your parents think you’d be when you grew up? What strengths did they see in you?

Finding your ikigai

I really do believe every kid has a spark of talent or purpose or meaning inside them. I like to think every adult has that spark still, even if it’s been smothered by “real world” pressures and other choices. Creating a life that feeds that spark can be possible: the first step is to find it.

I don’t know much about the Japanese concept of ikigai — only enough that I had it tattooed on my forearm (ha). But here’s a colourful graphic from the Interwebs that might inspire you:

Ikigai isn’t as simple as “do what you love” or “be employable.” It’s a compromise.

How would you fill in this chart? What do you love, what are you good at, what do you have to offer that you can be paid for, and what can you do that the world needs?

Living with purpose

I’m lucky that I’ve always known what I am, and what I want to do. I know writing brings me the most joy. I know I can make money from it (thank you, Medium.com). I know it’s my ikigai.

But I still struggle daily with myself to make the time to write. It’s still a constant effort to feed that spark. There are always distractions: the laundry, my weedy lawn, sunny mountains to climb.

That’s why I got my latest tattoo: timshel ikigai. A smoosh of Hebrew and Japanese that means (to me, at least) that it’s my choice, at all times, whether I spend my time writing or not. It’s my choice whether I do the thing that fulfils me and gives my life meaning, or not.

This tattoo is an always-visible reminder for me to use my time well. To feed and cultivate that spark inside me. To not waste this life.

So. What are you doing today?

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I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you think we all have a spark or purpose or calling? Is it a bad thing if we don’t follow it? Please comment below, share this post online or read more posts on this website.

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